Dewdrops and a little bit of life….

The refreshing splatter of the first monsoon rain drops on the window by my office desk, the cloud cover causing the opacity in my view of the Powai hills, country music playing on my blackberry and the sudden cheerfulness around was enough to push me on to a cup of Java and a new word document. I had this sudden impulse to express so much after the inertia that had lasted on my blog for close to 18 months. Nothing goes without a reason and this inertia too was due to a transitory phase in my life, Delhi to Hyderabad propelled me to start this writing sojourn, Hyderabad to Bombay was a jittery road and now that I know Bombay to Delhi isn’t happening soon I feel that I need to release the inflexibility of my mind. I have changed from loathing the city during the first one year to actually start exploring and enjoying it in the next one.


A lot of this change is also due to the 5 weeks I got to spend in US last year and upon return suddenly my life and the prevailing circumstances weren’t what they used to be. NO, I didn’t change much, nothing accentuated but the situations around and people who made up my world changed. Initial jerk was way too much to bear but doesn’t that always happen when you are in the backseat of your car and trust the drivers skills on a darkest stretch of road, he is speeding and you’re sleeping just when he hits the speed breaking rows of cat-eyes… each organ in your entire system rolls up and down like a slot machine. I too woke up with such a shake from my slumber as if slapped hard as well poured on with a bucket full of chilled water. I tried to walk but stumbled like a baby trying to make his first steps unassisted. This inebriated state of my mind I tried to camouflage using actual stimulants, alcohol justified the situation to the bystanders but I knew the actual drug was the one in my mind and rolling down from my eyes….

The mind knows when the drug stops working on you, the world can smile at the joker on the street each day but cant bear him crying the second day… they move on leaving him unnoticed. It was my turn to move on without looking at the empty backpack left… when I let it go I knew it was a little more than I would have wanted to carry on with me, in fact I could give a little rest to myself leaving the baggage away for a while and walk alone… the walks that started in a group of many and had outpaced me now challenged me to run and catch up with the herd. The desire to outrun begins either when you are nearing the finish line and you realize the potential or when the space between you and your opponent is nothing but a drop of time. I took the reins to my life, got back in shape and believed that when you are in a race of 300 circles losing one doesn’t matter because in the end its persistence and not strength that wins.

A new day, a new way with the new year and I chanced upon a new beginning… the catharsis had ended and the reflux of happiness began as I started to become what I was years ago. I made my resolutions and stopped being afraid of myself, this time it was going to be me… I am no more in the pillion but very much facing the wind because I know what lies behind me is lost to me and as they say the greener pastures, fair winds and sunny skies are all for me… Way to go, cheers to life!!