Slipping Sands of Time...

If you noticed the anguish in reading my last few blogs and now didn’t get anything to read like that, then the reason is that I was home for the last two months. Nah! I wasn’t given the pink slip on day 1 at JPMorgan, my joining got delayed so I happily got to stay at home for 60 days. These holidays gave me a lot of time to think about family, future life and need to work. No matter how much I slept back at IBS here I had a schedule, woke up at 7 in the morning and slept at 11 pm. Frankly even a Slumdog feels like a millionaire when home, two square meals cooked by mum is more than any Oscar or Bafta…

One of the best things ever happened in my life happened just as I quit IBS and came back…I got an i-lasik done to remove my long distance vision. I am no longer handicapped with a pair of glasses shielding my corneas. The operation took about 8 minutes and just as I appreciate the small things in life, I could appreciate the beauty of clearly pointing out (to my awe struck parents) the number of holes an electrical socket had with my bare eyes. And don’t you try wondering if I had taped eyes for days and I couldn’t see for the first few days…I could see right after the operation and neither did I yell “Mirindaaaa” on seeing my mum, well she wasn’t in a orange saree either…I was awake throughout the operation and only my eyes were numbed, I spoke to the sardarji doc (he was a Padma Sree awardee) and could move my hands and feet while the laser beam did its work. So powerful is the technology today I wondered…it is mighty no doubt. I wondered can a laser beam modify the contours of Taliban infested Pakistan just as it did for my eyes.

Another new thing that appeared in my book of life was I started stock trading…Having spent a magnanimous amount on my education and the following surgery; I was lent a sum of 10000 bucks to try my luck. It wasn’t a free economy I traded in, I mean it was heavily regulated by my experienced mum and dad who would look into what I planned to buy in the intra-day….at times the opportunity was lost while communicating my intention and getting their approval…never mind I managed to retire with a decent profit (read ROI, man I am a financial analyst) of about 30%. Still cant be compared to many folks back in college who could churn up ten times each month...Frankly it requires a lot of courage, and if any Security Analysis student of MBA feels its equivalent to Moneybhai.com then he should try shitting in a glass walled toilet and say it feels the same…

Goodbye to IBS wasn’t tough at all finally, I managed to graduate with a fairly decent CGPA though I was unhappy with my final semester marks given my efforts…I managed an A on my dissertation which was very pleasing. Atleast researching Carbon credits got me something better than the rest. I heard about a lot of folks still being in campus till mid-april trying for placements. I wish them luck and early departure from Hyderabad…

Rendezvous with Mumbai begins in ten days and I am all anxious to peep in the new kaleidoscope, smell the fresh vada-paos and swim in the famous rainfalls. Delhi 1-99 (not only 6) will have to wait for me for quite some time…I wish the Dariba’s paranthewallas and jalebi wallah, the kachchoris and chhole bhature of Kamala Nagar a tearful goodbye… You can only wish the people you love a teary goodbye for the ones its bilateral you can only smile and say I’ll be back soon…Words have deeper meanings which at times are best left unexplained. I wish I had a pause button on life but cant help it even SRK promoted Dish TV cant give me what I want…I could have stopped Shoaib Akhtar from dropping the ball and the Black knight running in the gymkhana but what cant be stopped is the tiniest granules of the sands of time that slip more the harder you grasp them….Peace to one and all…Jai Ho!!

The Last Goodbye!

Just about a week away from my final semester exams here at IBS Hyderabad nee Dontanpally, and a fortnight away from possibly leaving this place to never see it again. 21 months in to the MBA program, and let me tell your frankly I am not going to reminisce these days save for the enormous sleep hours they gave me. Someone here may call me insane, but if so insanity has been my virtue all this time here and surprisingly brought the most unbelievable changes. I have found myself to be transformed from a fun loving, extroverted and cheerfully well behaved boy to an anti-social, bookwormish grizzly looking man. Ask me what I’d miss most when I go back home from here or to Bombay, and I’d say two things – fresh air and the looking into a million starred clear sky each night. Possibly you may have counted me into being a cynical idiot by now and frankly I do hope that this piece of blog is not read by my employers to be.

I have grown much fatter than I was before coming here, a realization that only happens once a couple of days when I decide to bathe and look into the mirror. That’s purely thanks to my regime of no exercise, frequent trips to bingers bliss and to the canteen and precisely with thanks to RKHS - the greatest mess caterers in India. I can survive on biscuits, cake, and bread and cheese every meal of the day which frankly that makes me the most suitable candidate for a job in the western world. I wear possibly the worst lot in my wardrobe, most of the good part has already been kept away in suitcases and almirahs back home for better days and better occasions.

And to talk about celebration would be a simple joke as I had decided to abstain myself from any months away when I had come here. I do not wish to carry any memories of a wrong decision on my way back to where I came from. What I have gained here are three initials that I may use after my name having purchased them on a 12% bank loan of a million rupees. I am to go back precisely where I came from, to what precisely I would have been had I not come here. Surprisingly I have not attended a single birthday party, the college fresher’s welcome, the two annual fests, my farewell and other festival celebrations excluding a single Diwali when someone threw a cracker bomb on me and caused my departure in less than 5 minutes. Finally I strongly believe that I wouldn’t be here for my convocation ceremony as well. As can be said “There’s going to be no looking back”….

To this point one must be finding all faults in me, and the truth is that even I find myself to be a natural failure here. Like an American president once said “Ask not what the system can do for you, but what can you do for it”, precisely I haven’t done a wee bit to make these two years a better part of my life. I have cursed and cursed every element and entity surrounding my existence here not purely because I despise them but for I despise the relationship that was built on a regretful decision. I have been extremely temperamental and pugnacious in my behavior. This blog was made during my time here, so I find it to be a place to keep the blatant thoughts ploughing my cranium for long. I am thankful to my family for standing by with me at all times of my desperation, and hope to give them a better and a more considerate me from now on provided the head on my shoulders finds peace, respect and trust within. I have changed to be a person of a quiet taste and high aspirations, doesn’t mean I do not like to speak so opportunities like this come along every now then when I find a blank word sheet. I am a ship anchored on the shore raring to hit the seas again; Thomas Edison once said “There’s a great virtue in failure: You get to start all over again”, maybe I just need to make peace with myself and gear myself up for the tides would never stop coming.

I am also thankful to this place as the fresh air and sleep gave me enuff time to structure myself in peace, its like chiselling the wood finely to bring forth a beautiful sculpture. Often before i sleep i would listen to the song from Guru:

Jaage hain der tak, hamein kucch der so lene do
Thodi si raat aur hai, subah toh hone do
Aadhe adhure khwaab jo poore na ho sake
ek baar phir se neend mein woh khwaab boune do

Finally, I feel like a 8 year old who packs his bags and waits for the school bell to ring so that he can shoot off his desk and run to his home. Farewell for once isn’t a difficult word to say! For myself, I would only say "I am going to Kiss the World". Cheers to Life, Goodluck & Godspeed to fellows at IBS.

Swades Mera...India - Built to Last

Nor is this blog about the book by Collins & Perros or the movie Swades. It not about anyone but us…us Indians. Makes me wonder at times how should I refer to myself, to the core I am nothing more than a Dilliwalla but doesn’t that count me in to be an Indian. I never got a reserved entry into Univ of Delhi despite having being born and brought up in delhi, so I cannot even be referred to as a domiciled candidate as my friends from other states were at different engineering colleges in their states. I am not writing this to object to any reservation funda brought up by Shriman Arjun Singh or anyone, I am doing this to express my anguish at the state of affairs in Mumbai. The difficult life that not only Mumbaikars but each and every citizen of India has gone through in the past three days.

Can I tell you the sinking feeling in my heart seeing the Taj Mahal Hotel in flames, hell! It was and I couldn’t go to sleep till long. Maybe each Indian those three days lived up to the character of the city – Mumbai the city which never sleeps. NSG didn’t sleep, Barkha Dutt didn’t sleep, Toral Varia didn’t sleep, ATS didn’t sleep, my hostel didn’t sleep, even the scores of pigeons fluttering over the Taj day and night didn’t but maybe one person slept all through this…need I say his name aloud…RAJ THAKREY. Where is the messiah of all the Marathi manoos has vanished, where did his clairvoyance disappear when 12 devils were ravaged Maratha’s Mumbai in a dastardly act? NSG commandos more Indian than Marathi in blood saved the city from the clutches of paranoid terrorists. We do not need any reassurance from anyone today to say we stand united nor do we need to light any candles at Gateway of India. We are wide awake…and we can tell this to numerous politicians who do not even have the balls to hang Abu Salem who has been in their custody. It didn’t take America more than 10 months to bring the noose up on Saddam Hussain, and what are we doing here – feeding umpteen insurgents enjoying in our gaols. I say this country needs to treat the barbarians as the law in their times existed – eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth. I must appreciate the messages sent out my Suhel Seth and even Harsha Bhogle, for they have been very truthful in their remarks. The youth of India (mind it as Rahul Gandhi said makes up the 70% of all Indians) do not need a Sangh Parivar, MNS or Shiv Sena to tell us the law and we do not want hypocrites for our leader. When would we stop fooling ourselves and elect a PM who has working knees and jaws to stand up for us and voice us. When would the day come when we know we are electing Mr. X as PM and not that we vote for Sonia Gandhi as PM and Manmohan sits on the chair. The world knew Obama, Bush, and Clinton as President much before they became one with democracy.

We can deal with terrorists coming from Karachi but we cannot deal with the shenanigans put up hypocrites (read politicians) who cause trouble in the form of internal insurgency. Man! We do not even have state emblems like US does, we do not have state citizens, we are nothing more than Indians and that doesn’t tell anyone the color of our skin or the language we speak or the race or state we belong to. I am not an anti democrat but probably what this country needs today is a military leader who has the guts to drive out insanity in here. After all the common man is not Amitabh Bachchan to buy himself a mauser and keep it under his pillow before sleeping. A genuine gun costs more than the per capita income of ten Indians put together so logically we can rule that out.

You know what I salute those men in black – NSG commandos who do not have a religion above the tricolor which doesn’t prioritize saffron from green..what it captures in between is peace in white and ashok chakra which is the mantle of forgiveness, of faith, of truth and of resilience. We are built to last, and have shown that to the world for ages and now we only need to project this self belief a billion times over. The destruction of Bamiyan Buddhas in Afghanistan did not wipe out Buddhism from the face of the earth what was gone was two pieces of stone….thats an answer enough to the barbarians who do not have any race, religion or nationality….

Today lets sing the song Rev. Charles Tindley gave us and ignite the lights within us for the truth is out there…..We shall overcome, we shall overcome, someday..deep in my heart, I do believe we shall overcome someday…

Is life a Zero Credit Course?

Another day, another semester and a whole set of new courses to study. The problem is not coursework but what is to be included in the course. I chose my electives, do I care to study why Dove launched a certain marketing strategy or do I study why Tata took Corus or should I be studying why Gold follows a certain price trend. So little time and so much to absorb before I leave this place in about four months now, I worry thinking what will do when I won’t have a sound 12 hours sleep or what will I do when I wont be going home every 4 months.

No matter how aloof you want to remain, the truth is that hostel life teaches you a lot something’s directly onto you whereas something’s subtly but certainly. I couldn’t have imagined spending days holed up in a 10*10 room but I do now and much to my enjoyment. I care about my own soap and shampoo supplies and food too. I have to take care of dirty linens, even though my room looks much like a bachelors abode I try incessantly to clean it. And more so I am responsible for my own security and safety, specifically I would like to remind you at this stage that one of rooms here had a problem of the ceiling fan dropping down every now and then because of poor plastering. Given the size of the room and mine and the fan, I would prefer to sleep in the balcony even if the college provides me a life insurance of a million dollars.

One of most interesting financial and operational activities in a hostel is “Borrowing”, well no one wants to lend but still borrowing happens – don’t ask how. Whether it be your best pair of shoes, your business suit, your t-shirt that your girl gifted you or even some green backs from your wallet, they always disappear into the crowd and the next time you meet them you may not even be sure if you have met them before. Let alone the petty stuff like matchboxes, cigarettes and other food stuff specially sweets. I don’t smoke but still I have been asked so many times for a matchstick by my cigar smoking neighbor that I actually started stocking matchboxes. One of my friends stocks sweets but keeps an empty sweet box to show people who come asking for a fatty recharge. While some also manage to bring cartons and cartons (I am not exaggerating) of aloo bhujia of a specific halwai in Calcutta, some barely survive on the monotonous flavors in the mess. No matter what the mess cooks, it all tastes the same.

Half past the night, when the actual life in a hostel begins you may have a buddy coming over to ask for some alcohol or some chakna to go with it. And to tell you the truth, this happens most on the days when the night café inside the hostel is closed. At two in the night if you manage to walk past the warden’s room you can still hear the photocopier buzzing, and the printer running. From morning ten to night ten, the barber never stops shaving and cutting. Doesn’t he get bored, its his job I am told but then I wonder is mine going to be similar in terms or routine, I hope not. I would like a lot of movement within and outside the office, flexi-hours, lots of good stuff to eat and loads of time to sleep.

And one of the best things to learn from is the travel back to hostel, it takes me two hours to fly back from Delhi to Hyderabad and almost similar duration to travel from the Hyderabad airport to my hostel. Even if I come by train which takes 26 hours the journey only ends after 28, I constantly view city followed by a village and jungles and is the same pattern here. And what to say about learning when you meet 40 national level athletes in your train bogey travelling without a confirmed train ticket, its like a track field you can see long jumps happening, track and hurdles races and relays. As much as three managing to sleep on a single seat wasn’t a demonstration of a gareeb rath that lalu started, but it was definitely showcasing the poor halaat of sports authority of india. One of the fellow grumbles “Just once let me get a medal, I will teach the f****** system a lesson”, and I only guess his agony and help him onto my berth for a few hours of sleep before he runs for the medal. Probably his innocent eyes can see the difference between the sweet lime soda he gets and the two glasses of fresh juice his coach gets paid for him...

I am learning all this apart from the electives and I don’t get credits for this in my GPA, when I pen this down I am merely writing a dissertation on my life and times for which I have no one guide assigned to me. Better be back to my books or they will find other readers, hang on and shout your thoughts for I will be back soon….

Redemption in the Pursuit of Happyness

Often have I felt my grip loosening over the thing I have wanted the most for the moment. What we call as fate or destiny most often comes forth once the failure happens. Last one and a half years I had been living a life completely reliant on fate, but to be true with time your faith in yourself reduces so did mine. The things I thought I was much capable of were now turning to look alien to me. My outer self projected a confident personality but within I was a scared individual who was waiting for opportunities. Now opportunities mean results in the end, and what I was most scared of was failure as I am sure most of us are. While most of my colleagues at the b-school were reading through newspapers, magazines and economic journals I was preparing myself mentally. I did not hesitate in sharing this with anyone I knew in return for some general knowledge; the exercise was always good as the other party felt mentally strong while I had figures and numbers to talk of. When I saw motion pictures like "The Pursuit of Happyness" or "The Shawshank Redemption", I felt motivated but the truth was that I wasn't in the protagonists shoes.

One thing I had judged from my past experience in appearing for interviews was that the panel looked for smart talkers who could be trained and molded as per their requirements. The more I entered the room the more I knew what made a perfect disposition. I could pleasantly say no to things that I wasn’t aware of, and possibly diverting their interest to things that I was more confident with. One question I always asked myself before entering the interview room was “Am I supposed to know everything??...” If the answer ever came “Yes” then I told myself that I have no reason to be here….I came here to learn and will learn for days and times to come. I recalled what my boss during my summers always said “It’s not about putting forth the right answers, it about asking the right questions”. And to be truthful I stuck on to this, while my peers learnt answers I prepared myself for asking the right questions.

This alone did not mean that I wouldn’t ever lose. Infact to my utter dismay I finally wasn’t selected in my first application to one of the most coveted i-banks of the world after several rounds of selection process. The first response one gets from everyone he/she knows after the failure is “there are better things in store for you”…were there or not I wasn’t sure, but definitely I wasn’t dying and there was another day and another battle. This time around I was to appear for the strongest and the biggest bank in the world. I took a cue from the Director of the company who came for a brief talk, he said “Most of us can get away from the hardest situations if we know how to speak and how to react”…It was again learning till he said “but not here in our company”…. I wasn’t sure if I would succeed given this time the battle started with a situation where I considered myself weakest. None the less after 10 hours of process and constant pep talk by other interviewees I was able to convince myself to settle for nothing but the best. The announcement of success was not at all scintillating; I sat on my seat, no tears of joy or no shouts in excitement. The glitter was more felt in other's that in mine. Probably I was just numb, well I wouldn't say that I could not absorb the success…I had but certain times in life you just fail to equate what you lost to what you regained. Redemption is not all that easy…In my heart I thanked my family, I thanked my girl and I thanked all who believed in me but yet I guess there are there are more mountains to climb, more chasms to jump across and more dreams to relive before I rejoice this moment. Good luck to all my friends and peers who still await a worthy challenge…